Wes Culwell | Featured Email Archive

Dear Wes,

I am writing to you because I think that you are a role-model to me. I just want to let you know how my life is. I just need someone to talk to. I am an 18 year old gay male. I have had so much happen to me and things all regarding my sexuality.

I guess I 'm writing to you to see whether or not my views are right. To me, your opinion counts. I used to think that all gay relationships were all based on sex. After watching Boy Meets Boy, I realize that there is so much more stuff in a relationship than sex. I realize now that a homosexual relationship is the same in every way as a heterosexual relationship. There is trust, love, commitment, and honesty. I really felt confused about my sexuality. I feel in my heart that I am gay, but I have so many other people (including my parents) telling me that I need to be straight. Anyway, after watching Boy Meets Boy, I also realize that I should be proud that I am gay. I somewhat feel discouraged to truly be out because I fear that I won't be able to make friends with straight guys. I want to be out, but I also don't want to become one of those guys who goes from guy to guy. One thing I do fear being a male homosexual is the chance of getting AIDS. I know it's relevant among the gay community, and it's something that I need to be aware of.

Back to the issue of sex in a gay relationship--how much do you believe that sex is of a relationship? I know that sex feels great (but I'm still a virgin)--but tell me if I'm wrong, but it seems like all of the other stuff feels so much better and more fulfilling than sex. I don't know. I have actually never had a relationship with another guy who is bi or gay, and where love is involved. Honestly, I really have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend in my life, so right now for me, finding a guy is important to me. From watching Boy Meets Boy, it seems as though a friendship or a loving relationship without sex can be so fulfilling.

Well, I just know that you and Boy Meets Boy has completely changed my whole life and my views. I hope that you realize the impact that you've had on my life.

Wes, I feel kind of lost and I need some guidance. I know that you are a very busy person and I don't mean to be a burden, but it would truly mean something to me.

Sincerely with love,

Christopher R.

Dear Christopher,

Thank you for your email. I am the first to say being gay is not an easy thing but it's who we are that makes us strong. Coming out is a different process for everyone and it's important to know you have a network of people who love you that will help you through the hard times. This could be your parents, teachers, school counselors. I am going to include some resources for some better contacts that will have more information.

Here are a couple of things that may help. There is a National Association of LGBT Centers website that lists all of the Centers in the nation so you can go there first and find the nearest center that may be able to help. The website is www.lgbtcenters.org. There is also www.glnh.org--the National Gay and Lesbian Hotline. Their number is 1.888.THE.GLNH (1.888.843.4564) and they have peer counselors available Mon-Fri 4 PM to Midnight and Sat Noon-5 PM EST. They have over 18,000 local resources nationwide that they can refer people to.

I don't know your detailed situation but try giving these places a call. They are trained and have a LOT of experience helping people of all ages.

As for the sex question, every relationship is different and holds varied aspects of sexuality. I have dated people for months and months and sex never entered the equation. It was more about emotion and personality. On the other hand I have had relationships that were very sexual. I think it just depends on your comfort levels and who your partner is. No matter what the case though, Christopher, safe sex should be the only option. It is crucial that you take the time to respect and care for yourself; if and when you choose to have sex.

It is important to keep quality people in your life from all walks - whether gay, straight. The key word is quality. Always respect yourself and who you are.

All the best!

-Wes

Dear Wes--

Hey, my name is Scott and I'm 19 years old. This summer, I was able to watch parts of Boy Meets Boy, though I must admit, I was never able to watch the final episode. When I first heard of a prime-time gay dating show, I couldn't believe it. It seems that everything has come such a long way in the past four years since I came out, and an even longer one since many others in the community have come out.

I came out at 15, which was in retrospect WAY to early...for me. I don't regret what I did, and was solid in my identity at that point in my life, but I was no where near ready enough to accept myself completely (I'm not sure that I even do now), and even more the responsibility of what it would mean to come out in a conservative (not to mention Catholic family). I came out at 15 because I was so afraid of avoiding the truth. I sat my parents down, and amidst so much fear and so many tears, I told them that their fourth born son was gay.

I've never seen any person become so angry or enraged in my life. To see the look of contempt in my father's eyes, even the memory of it which is burned into me, was something scarier than I could ever explain. He went crazy, beating me up, throwing me against I don't even remember--my mind seemed to be ten steps behind the physical action. I still have scars and problems because of some of the damage he inflicted. And my mother, she didn't say a word.

They kicked me out, and it's been four years (getting close to five)--I haven't spoken/seen them since. They will not take my phone calls or see me, regardless of my brothers' attempts to convince them.

It's been such a difficult time, finishing high school, beginning University... but, I made it. Along the way I have found myself in a relationship that I am more grateful for then I could ever describe, with a guy who couldn't be more amazing. I also have a two year old son, which is another story all together, and a long one, but he teaches me about love in all capacities, and I will teach him of the beauty of that love in hopes to have a more peaceful and accepting next generation.

I think it's just amazing that you, and everyone else who appeared on Boy Meets Boy had the confidence in yourselves and your lives to be on national programming and share and be so proud, and not to mention, so out.

I'm so grateful to you--for making the footsteps for the rest of us to follow, especially for the kids who find themselves alone and broken after an unaccepting family casts them out.

You are an amazing person, and even though I do not know you, I feel as though you are my brother--in a revolution and a fight that is not about to be quelled anytime soon.

It's been a long few years for me, but, I think it will only get easier with all of the strides that our community is making. Don't give up Wes, I know I won't anytime soon, because this world will be a better place for it.

Thank you Wes--from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

-Scott Myers

Dear Scott,

Wow. Thank you so much for your amazing and heartfelt letter. I seriously had tears in my eyes reading your story and the fact that you have turned things around and "made it" is TRULY inspirational. Working at the LGBT Center here in San Diego I came across a lot of similar stories and some of the endings were not quite as uplifting. I commend you on persevering and proving to yourself, your family, and your friends what a strong and powerful gay man you are.

I saw that you have joined the OutList as well. I think the more we put ourselves out there and the more visibility we gain there will be less and less stories of abuse. There is a safe time and can be a dangerous time to come out and there can be such a fine line between the two. It's a long haul but stories like yours serve as a tool to show -- we will make it no matter what. Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

Your story of overcoming obstacles is absolutely fantastic and I think would be an inspiration to everyone that visits this page.

I think one of the most important aspects in coming out is to create a network of support outside of the family confines where you can go if things don't go as planned. There is still a lot of bigotry we have to contend with, and unfortunately, sometimes it can even be in our own families. This is why gay visibility is SO important.

Again, I am very proud of you and thank you so much for sharing your story.

All the best,

-Wes

Hi Wes,

I'm probably not the first male viewer to be messaging you I guess. Anyway, I'm Al and I'm from Singapore. I came across Bravo's website one day and found a show called BOY-to-BOY, I got curious and went to check it out. I never got the chance to view BOY-to-BOY, but luckily I was able to download the episodes from the Internet, and what I can say is that I'm very touched by the gay men in the series itself.

I'm a 17 year old boyish kid who is currently in junior college. I enjoy soccer, tennis and every other challenging sports one can think of. However, when I found out that I was gay I was kinda taken aback by the fact and slowly started accepting it. I'm still "locked" in the closet, and really don't know when I would come out of it. I'm really glad to see how open gay men in US can be as compared to Singapore. The situation is much worse here, but of course there are quite a number of gay groups in Singapore. Perhaps one of these days you can visit fridae.com which is an Asia gay website.

Wes, I have really no idea why I'm telling you all these stuffs and I'm really sorry about that, however I think you'll be a great friend to know because I saw how emotionally touched you are in EPISODE 5. I'm really happy for you in that show, not simply because you won, but how you made friends and invest yourself in the whole process. I know that you would be busy as a celebrity or with your work and I understand that you have lots of fanmails to read and reply to, however I would be happy enough to hear from you. Take care and god bless. :)

Regards,

Al

Dear Al,

Singapore! I cannot believe that our show has reached so many people! I thought when it hit the Midwest our show had broken boundaries but thank you for writing to let me know you had a chance to experience it.

I am very impressed with your courage and strength. Coming to terms with your sexuality is a very difficult thing to do, especially at 17. I cannot imagine living in a place where there are so many more rigid social pressures to stay in the closet. The first step is self awareness so congrats on that! Coming out is a lifelong process and you will know when the time is right.

I invite you to join the OutList if you'd like. It's a place to come out but in a very supportive environment. If you didn't want to include your last name that would be fine...what ever you feel comfortable with. It's a place to know you've said, "I'm Out" with hundreds of others all over the world.

It would be great and I think very inspirational for some of our US LGBT youth your age to see a peer from overseas.

Thanks again for the note!

All the best,
-Wes

Wes:

Hey whatsup! I just wanted to drop a note to say I loved Boy Meets Boy. I read that you and James are no longer together. At first I was dissapointed than I started to think...how many of my friends are people that I dated for a while and we kind of just new we were better friends. That's how I met my best friend Ken. So I think it is great that all you guys can walk away from this show all being good friends.

I think we see a lot of these shows exploit people and we never hear from them again. Shows like the Bachelor, Joe Millionare and all that crap. Your show seemed to tell a story of people and lives before they were on tv - and it's awesome that you are still going out there and telling yours. All of us fans love it. I really haven't seen many reality tv show people go into politics or issues so thanks for that too.

I am a 19 year old living in Florida. It's pretty conservative but I came out two years ago and have only had a few problems. I started the gay teen alliance on my campus and have been really involved in our gay and lesbian center as well. I hope we see more shows like this and we keep pushing the envelope and finally get the equal rights we deserve!

Keep doing it!

Christopher Lydell

Dear Wes,

I am so glad there is a website where we can check out what's going on post show. It's funny, never would I think I'd be writing this letter 1) to someone I saw on a reality tv show and 2) to a gay man I saw on a reality tv show.

When I share my story I think you will understand. I am mother of five living in Salt Lake City. When we first heard about your show my family had mixed reactions. Of course coming from a Morman background homosexuality has never been looked on favorably in most my circles of life. I lost my best friend in highschool when he came out to me and he moved to "the big city". Needless to say our town was a little more than intolerant. Well after he left I never really came in contact with any out gay people.

When Boy Meets Boy was first on - it was really on by accident. I watched the first episode and you reminded me so much of my best friend in high school that I was hooked. I actually started watching it with my two older kids. It was amazing watching you guys go through the experience and really opened my eyes, as well as my kids.

Wes, last week my olderst son told me he was gay. He told me he had been trying to tell me for the last year. Watching your show together gave him the strength and courage to talk to me about this. I know it's not an easy life but I told him he had my support and I loved him so much. To see my little boy, well he's 16 and over 6'0 so not so little anymore, have his eyes fill with tears and to be able to finally tell me means so much and I don't know how I would have reacted if I hadn't seen your show.

I don't know if you will ever know how much it has meant to me and what you've done for my son and I hope other gay people in our country.

I really hope you keep doing what you are doing. Just being out there
really does make a difference.

Thank you so much,

Claire Jorgenson
Salt Lake City

Heya Wes-

I'm going to try and keep this short (which, I might add, is totally against my nature), as I'm sure your mailbox is spilling over.

When I was in high school, the most heated issue was having gay students around and out. There were all sorts of conflicts with PDA and
administrative approval, etc. Anyway, I ran a club that tried to abate some of these negative feelings as well as approach other cultural issues. Basically, we were an all-inclusive advocacy and educational group. (If you watch PBS, there is a gay/lesbian Newsmagazine program called "In The Life"--I was interviewed about my club for the October program of this... I know, I'm shameless.)

As a result of leading this club, I became really involved and friendly with the gay community of my area. There were two boys, in particular that are still very close to my heart. Another student used to torment them relentlessly for being gay and for dating. It was just an awful situation. My two friends ended up graduating early in January, taking off to San Francisco, and pretty much disappearing.

Over the summer I received a letter from the guy who used to mess with them. He apologized over and over again for his behavior and was, it seemed, genuinly sorry for being such a jerk. He said that he had been watching Queer Eye and BMB and realized that stereotypes and generalizations were lame, and that his actions were completely unfounded and mean.

So, I think it was you who said you hoped BMB would touch people in "Middle America", and it has. Thank you Wes, truly. You accomplished in what seems such a short period of time, what I devoted my four years of high school to. My gratitude for this is something that I can't put a number to, or even truly wrap my brain around. I am truly in awe of this guy's turnaround, and that he would be so moved as to write me aletter.

Make Waves--

Lisa K.

If you are only half as funny and enthusiastic in real life as you appear on the show then I am sure that your career will flourish and I look forward to following it as it grows. I'm also sure that life around you is never boring and I'm glad that you and Robb have remained friends since the show. Your attitude about the show is great and I believe that my story will validate your feelings:

On Tuesday I decided to watch 'Boy Meets Boy' because, although I have a couple of friends (although not close friends) that are gay, I wanted to get a better understanding of the real gay lifestyle. I understand that this is "reality" television, not "real" television but I figured that it would give a more realistic view than the standard one presented in the media. (Yes, I am straight...)

As I know that the show has taken some criticism for the 'hide the straight guys' concept but I found it interesting. Although I always felt I could tell if someone was gay because of the clothes that they wore (You know: Gay guys know designers - 'Legally Blonde') or they way that they danced, or whatever, I was wrong. I am embarrassed to say that I felt that way before but at least I now know better. I guess that my 'straightdar' is fluky. (If there is gaydar, why not straightdar?)

It's What I saw was a group of regular guys having fun, getting to know each other and trying to find a relationship: friendship, romance, whatever. And the guys were just that: regular guys. I really could not tell who was straight and who was gay. Yes the show really showed me that gay men are just like straight men: varied, funny, smart, athletic, etc.

Bob (one 'B')

I'm in Federal Law Enforcement and have never posted a message, but I have to after last Tuesday. I've always believed that there really aren't any coincidences in life and Tuesday was another affirmation of that for me.

On Tuesday I was returning to LA from a mission (I'm currently an agent with the Federal Air Marshall Service) to Newark and I was hoping we left on time so I could catch the (Boy Meets Boy) finale rebroadcast at 9:00 P.M...

As passengers were boarding, I happened to look over at the seats behind my partner and much to my SHOCK I saw Brian H. sitting in the window seat. Wes sat next to him and to my even greater shock James sat in the window seat next to me!! Franklin was two rows behind me. The guys were on their way home after their Today Show interview. I've met and protected Presidents, world leaders, and mingled with some of Hollywood's elit and none of that compared to this situation. I was shocked, speechless, and nervous.

It's kind of funny now that I think about it given my background! Law Enforcement is not an easy career for someone who is out and I wasn't. So, as much as I wanted to speak with James and the other guys I chose instead to take the path of least resistance and I ignored James the entire flight. I knew that I couldn't lie to him about my job and I also didn't want to out myself to my partner in a work situation. So please let James know that I apologize for being "unfriendly"...

It has been surprising to me how a t.v. show could touch lives so profoundly. This "little gay dating show" was groundbreaking. It is now one of the stepping stones on the path that leads to the legal equality of gay and straight society, where the rights and responsibilities of marriage, adoption, health benefits, etc. are afforded to every American no matter their sexual orientation. It's happening in other parts of the world and it will happen here too.

I think about the impact of this show and I wonder how many people DIDN'T kill themselves because for once they felt normal and saw light at the end of the tunnel. I wonder how many people decided to come out and live an authentic life no matter what. I wonder how many people decided to stop living a lie and come out to a husband or wife. I wonder how many straight people had a light bulb go off. I wonder how many walls might be torn down and bridges built in their place... I wonder what our country and the rest of the world would be like if we valued each other with such importance...

I wanted to thank James, Andra, and all the mates for having the guts to do the show! You are my heros!

Lastly, between the show and the plane ride I've decided at 34 to come out at work. Thank you.

-William

Dear Wes:

Thank you for your updates on what's happening in your life. I hope you are achieving what you want in life. Also, thank you for bringing enjoyment to the life of an old lady with your smile and vitality on BMB. You are an adorable boy.

I am a 60-year-old mother 4 and grandmother of 8. My oldest grandchild, Brandi, will be 24 in February. Just because she's almost as old as you doesn't mean I'm old enough to be your grandmother -- I'm not really old enough to be her's.

I feel that I have made several friends because of BMB and the message board. In fact, I am planning a trip to SF next week to meet some of the guys and spend the weekend before I go to visit my mother in Turlock.

Julia

Dear Julia,

Hello! And thanks you SO much for your note. Wow, I am shocked at how many groups of people this show has affected. A mother of four and grandmother of 8! Congrats! I am so glad that the show has touched as many people as it did. It was so much fun and like I've said before, I would do it again in a heartbeat! The fact a show about gay men (and a few straights ;) ) has been so well received by some many different people means a lot! Thank you!

When I was in high school (all boys private Catholic) we did community service hours. I found myself leading a rhythm band at a Catholic non-assisted ladies retirement home. We were called the, "The Blue Star Rhythm Band!"

I had 50 something ladies from the ages 50 all the way up to 98! (The 98 year old played the bird whistle!) There is nothing funnier or more endearing than a nun in a habit pounding away on the bass drum! Haha! From the triangles, tambourines, bass drums, sticks and bells we had it covered! All my adopted Grandmas kept my life full of stories, laughs and amazing characters! I never felt so loved! The fact that you've brought that demographic to the table in support means a lot! Thanks for making BMB even more special!

All the best!

-Wes
www.wesculwell.com

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