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The following is an email dialogue from an amazing youth out in New York. Unfortunately my first few replies have been lost in the shuffle, but you'll get the gist.
Hi Wes-
good news - I talked to a woman from a group in Syracuse that helps guide GLBTQ youth. She said- like you- that it's illegal to have the school stop us from having a group. So she's going to help me and my friends get a group started! Thanks for your help.
~Bill~
Hi Wes-
This is Bill writing. you emailed me before with some tips to help me get a youth group started in my high school. Well... the good news is - it got started and the first official meeting is October 13th, 2004!!! I'm so excited. even thou I'm very happy, I really just gave some of my advise to one of my friends and she helped me get it started. So.. Horray!
*I don't know if its fall where you live, but fall in NY is amazing. SO.. enjoy the fall while it lasts!! *
~Bill~
Bill
Bill that is FANTASTIC! Congratulations! You probably don't know it yet but you are making a HUGE impact on your school, town and peers. I guess today would be your first official meeting. It takes a lot of courage and determination and I really admire that - especially in our youth.
Jog my memory, what city are you writing from? I would like to hear all about your first meeting.
Thanks for the update!
All the best,
-Wes
Hi Wes -
I'm from Syracuse NY.
The club we started is called PRIDE. it stands for People Respecting Identity Decisions and Equality. The first meeting was awesome. The advisor ordered three or four boxes of pizza, and SOO many people showed attended- the whole classroom was full! The mission statement was read and everyone was asked if they thought it needed to be changed in any way - but it was fine. We talked about possible trips the club might take and we discussed the GLBTQ day of silence on April 13 2005.
Thanks for your support and concern
~Bill~
Hey Bill!
That is great. I can't wait to hear where the club goes from here. Kudos for putting this together and helping to bridge the gap between gay and straight in your community. I am very proud of you!We need more people and groups like you out there - now more than ever! It's going to be a toughfour years for our community but if we band together and get ready for the fight - there is nothing we can't overcome. Congrats!
Keep me posted!
All the best,
-Wes
Dear Wes,
My name is Bryan and I'm 21. I'm writing to you because I'm totally lost and don't really know who to turn to. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or anything, it just seems like I'm completely stuck between the straight world and the gay world.
Every since middle school, I knew I was attracted to guys but I never really accepted it. I have always acted straight and I even used to join in when my friends made fun of gay people. I even used to look down on gay people and kept trying to tell myself that I was not gay.
When I saw the amazing Broadway show "Take Me Out" a couple months ago, it completely opened my eyes. Daniel Sunjata's performance was so amazing and the play really made a big impact on me.
I have not come out to anyone simply because I'm deathly afraid of the reaction I would get. I act pretty straight and I don't think anyone around me can tell that I'm gay. Since I can't tell anyone, I'm always forced to make excuses for why I haven't had a girlfriend in a while and why I'm interested in this and that. It's really tough. I'm constantly having to hide things from everyone I know. Recently though, I have been taking small steps to defend gay people and it is happening more and more often. I have even seriously considered coming out to my sister who would probably be the most understanding.
This summer, I hope to be living in New York while doing an internship. I have told myself that since I don't know anyone there, it's a perfect time to try out the gay lifestyle. I love New York to death and it seems like the perfect place to do it. My problem is that the gay lifestyle is completely new to me and I have no idea what to do.
I'm writing to you about this because I have no idea what to do. I'm attracted to guys who are masculine, which makes meeting them even harder, and I am super-shy. It's really weird to say, but up until about a year ago, I just wanted sex. Now, I just want a relationship with the perfect guy more and more as time goes on.
I would really appreciate any help you could give me. I just feel like I'm trying to enter a brand new world that I know absolutely nothing about and it scares me a lot.
Thank you so much and I wish you all the best!
Bryan
Bryan,
I can tell you I was exactly in your situation my freshman year of college. I knew I was gay but no one in my life had any idea. Granted there were a few "stereotypical" signs (Ah..Ah..theatremajor...choo!:) )but I had become a genius at making excuses and dancing around the gay issue.
It is a very hard thing to come to terms with sexuality. As you become more and more comfortable with being gay it is important to realize that being gay is a wonderful thing. It took time to realize it myself but the minute you love and accept yourself is the minute the people in your life will see you as a strong gay role model as well.
You can never anticipate anyone's reaction but you have to know the kind of people you want in your life long term will be the kind of people that will not care if you are gay or straight, tall or short, black or white, brown or blond, thin or fat. Can you imagine someone not being in your life just because you had blond hair or were Asian?
It looks like you are in college by your email address and sounds like you are not living at home. Still, it is important that you have a social network in place while you start to come out. Friends who will support you, family, etc. Your sister might be a great place to start. That was the first person I told. She was great.
New York can be a great place to find yourself and your sexual identity. Just be careful not to fall in the trap of letting your sexuality dictate who you are. It is sexuality - just ONE of the many great things that make up who you are. Go-Go Boys and Cosmos are NOT a way of life. A lot of us get to "the big city and get trapped in the gay scene. It can be alluring but in the long run not very satisfying.
Yours in struggle!
All the best!
-Wes
Dear Wes,
My name is Ronni. I hope this letter finds you well and hope it is really you who reads this letter I am 20 years old and I live in Israel. I watched all the episodes on my computer and thought you were very sweet and wonderful.
I think you know that it is so hard being gay in Israel. We have so much war and anger in our country it is not easy to be gay and open. The fact you can do this on TV has really made me proud. It surprises me that your government can be so against you. Even though there are mixed feelings about the United States in my country - we still look at it as the most free place in the world. I think if you are gay it may not be so true. I admire that your show says it's ok to be gay. I am working on telling my family but the fact I can see you on the computer makes me feel that there is different kind of family for me out there - my gay family.
Thank you.
-Ronni (my nickname)
Ronni,
What an amazing letter. Please know that you do have a family out there. The gay community is family and creates a world where it is ok to be yourself. It is my hope that eventually all these ideas will spread from the TV to real life.
The more emails I receive and the more traveling I do, I realize we still have so much work to do to let the next generation know how important you are. In many cultures around the world it is very difficult to be open with your sexuality. If nothing else, I hope you can take away from this email is that even though it may not be safe to be out in public, you should feel safe in coming out to yourself and knowing you are a powerful, gay man.
Take a look at The Out List to see how many people all over the world are part of your family.
Your Big Gay Family,
-Wes
This article and reaction were sent to me last week. It was sent to Sadie Fields (the Chairman of the Christian Coalition of Georgia) as wonderful response to some hateful poitics.
-W
EXCERPT FROM:
New York Times,
March 3, 2004
Andrew Jacobs
ATLANTA, March 2, Georgia's headlong rush to block gay marriages through a constitutional amendment has been stalled, for the moment, by an unlikely group of legislators: black members of the House of Representatives, many of them church deacons and ministers who already support the state's laws banning same-sex marriage.
Last week, they provided 39 of 50 no votes and abstentions that helped the measure fall 3 votes short of the 120 needed for passage.The bill, which requires a two-thirds majority to appear on the ballot this November, may be reintroduced into the Democratic-controlled House as early as Thursday. The measure has already passed the Senate, which is dominated by Republicans, despite no votes from all 10 black members.
"In my 30 years in the legislature, I don't think I've seen a vote so close and so impassioned," said Representative Calvin Smyre, chairman of the House Rules Committee, who is black.
The battle over gay marriage here has put African-American lawmakers in a difficult position with voters and placed them in stark contrast to their white Democratic colleagues, most of whom have joined Republicans in calling for a constitutional bulwark against same-sex marriage.
As nearly two dozen states move to ban same-sex marriage through constitutional amendments, the political drama in Georgia offers a window into how similar battles might play out. In the Mississippi House of Representatives, which passed a similar bill on Monday, only 17 legislators voted against the measure, all of them black.
"At the national level and in states like Massachusetts and Georgia, African-American leaders have been pretty clear in their opposition to these kinds of constitutional amendments," said Seth Kilbourn, national field director for the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights group in Washington. "No matter how they feel about marriage for same-sex couples, they don't want to write into our governing documents laws that treat one group of people different from another. They've seen this country go down that road before."
Sadie Fields, chairman of the Christian Coalition of Georgia, said she was furious when several black representatives switched sides at the last minute on Thursday night."I think some of these legislators are going to have a lot to answer for come this fall," Ms. Fields said. "If I was African-American, I would be furious that homosexuals are comparing what they want to do with civil rights."
Dear Ms. Fields,
This letter is in response to your comments in the March 3rd issue of the New York Times.
First off, you are not African-American so don't be presumptuous enough to put your self in that place.
If you were African-American, you would know in your gut how much this constitutional amendmentsmacks of overturned laws that banned interracial marriages.
If you were African-American, you would understand that an injustice to any American is an injustice to every America and the society we live in.
If you were African-American, you would know that discrimination is non-discriminating in reference to race or sexual orientation.
Just as Strom Thurmond was on the wrong side of history on the civil rights movement, your group is on the wrong side of history on this effort to code into our constitution an agenda that is clearly religious in nature. Furthermore Ms. Fields, I am a homosexual African American man. Believe this when I say, whether I've been discriminated against because of either, their is no distinction between the hurt and the injustice of both.
Respectfully,
Troy Greene
Owner and Designer
www.GuerrillaGear.comHi Wes,
I cannot believe that something like the Federal Marriage Amendment is evengoing to make it to a vote in Congress. After my recent trip to WashingtonDC, I felt inspired. So, I decided to write and call my Senators andRepresentative from the House. I went to www.house.gov, and www.senate.govto learn how to contact the appropriate elected officials. It was on theseweb sites that I learned the phone numbers for their offices, as well as howI could email them. I called each of their Washington DC offices to offermy opinion.
I told all of the elected officials that, as their constituent, I would likethem to oppose the Federal Marriage Amendment. Both Senator Boxer andSenator Feinstein of California are Democrat. Neither office had anofficial comment from the Senators specifically about the Federal MarriageAmendment. However, after a little research they explained to me how theSenators opposed similar legislation in the past, and surmised that theywould most likely oppose the Federal Marriage Amendment. Senator Boxer¹soffice even read a prior statement from the Senator saying that she wouldoppose any legislation that would discriminate based on sexual orientation.It is nice to know that at least some of the people in Congress are notafraid to support gay rights. The representative for my area from the Houseis a republican. I asked his office how he would vote on the FederalMarriage Amendment. Again, the Congressman¹s office did not have astatement on this particular issue. They did tell me that they thought hewould oppose the Amendment. His office took my address and told me theywould mail me his official statement on the issue after speaking with theCongressman.
Below is a copy of what I emailed to each of my elected officials. I knowit may not seem like much, but I felt that I had to share my opinion. Ourpolitical system may not be perfect, but we must work with what we have, andwe must make our voice heard!
***Please oppose the Federal Marriage Amendment. It is safe to say to thatmany individuals oppose gay marriage based on religious beliefs. However,it is not appropriate for the Federal Government to restrict people¹s rightsbecause of such religious beliefs. Those individuals who wish to imposetheir views of opposition to gay marriage through a Constitutional Amendmentare acting in willful disregard for the dignity and rights that every humanbeing deserves.
The United States stands for freedom and equality. Do notcompromise, or allow others to compromise, the rights that each citizen ofthe United States is entitled to. The issue of same-sex marriage hasproduced a surge of law review articles, and most of them are very favorableto same-sex marriage. There is no solid legal principle for opposing gaymarriage. What then would be the justification for a ConstitutionalAmendment against gay marriage? Just because a religion does not approve ofgay marriage, it does not mean that the United States should not approve.Separation of Church and State means that the government must not actpursuant to a religious belief.
Do not use the Constitution to make such plainly hateful discrimination legal.***
Tom
Tom!
Tom, even after knowing you for six years you are a constant source of inspiration and amazement.Your dedication to the LGBT cause is going to take you very far...I can't wait until you are my congressman!Or should I say, "Congressperson."
As you reminded me, Tom, one out of every letter or call that is received counts as ten for any senate or congress office. I hope your letter here inspires visitors to my site to go out and claimwhat is rightfully ours. EQUAL RIGHTS!
Thanks for your letter. I have contacted the offices as well and will keep passing on the message!
All the best!
-W
Hey Wes,First, I'dlike to say that I read the article in Instinct and it was a great piece. It's refreshing to see that there are people who do not come across asarrogant, foolish and egotistical. But, while reading the piece, Icouldn't help but wonder...How do you stay so positive all the time? It'sa hard world. No one has it easy (especially those who are out). I canonly imagine the shitstorm you were put through when BMB aired (and theaftermath).
How do you do it? Is there a secret? It's prettyhard being an optimist at heart. Thanks again for being you. There wouldn't be BMB without you. The world would be a muchdifferent place if your voice wasn't heard.
Sica
Hey Sica!
Hey! Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed thearticle. The response to the Instinct spread has been absolutelyamazing. As for my "upbeat" personality...I dunno. I guess itsall the drugs I do. Haha! I am totally joking. I have just beenan upbeat person since I was a kid. I guess it is just my natureto be "on" and enjoying life whatever it may bring. Of course,don't get me wrong, there are the down times as well, but so farI've always landed on my feet.
Ithink one thing that keeps it all in perspective for me is Ihave done a lot of work with nonprofit. From homeless teens, toHIV patients with no health insurance, to the work I've donewith the elderly, I know I have been very fortunate in my ownlife. The more work you get out there and do for the communityand the less you get caught up with the trivial daily stuff youreally get a healthy perspective on life. Also, my family hasbeen a wonderful support and my friends, all of them, are one ina million.
So, I guess the secret would be surround yourselfwith positivity and positive people and you will see the effectit has on you. It really is amazing. And the situations andpeople you come across who lack that positivity, haha, screw'em! Leave them knowing they couldn't shake you will be amazedat the amount of power it gives you.
Hope that helps!
Happy Holidays!-Wes
